Camming. I mean... Camming.
I’ll take you back in time for 24 hours or so.
I was talking to a friend of mine on Facebook. A girl, like a real life human female that I still call a friend after my 5 years of Hell locked into a constant conversation with too many women to save sanity. I had mentioned something about T. on Facebook, cryptically enough to not really mean anything to anyone but those who knew the story by heart by now, and she asked if this was about him. Said yes. She asked me if I knew where he was these days and I told her the only thing I know is that he’s got a business with a woman, who could be his wife, girlfriend, just a friend, or a sister for all I knew. She wanted to get all Action Woman on me and find the guy to drag an answer out of him or something – as if I hadn’t already tried that, but to divert her wish to help too much I told her how I had this vision nearly 20 years ago, that I’d go back to Finland one day, and I’d sit at the bar of our favorite night club (that I already then knew would mean this was not going to be a literal vision, because clubs like that come and go) but I sat there, feeling battle weary, worn, old, but free, and he’d come in, sit next to me and we’d leave without saying a word.
To me, then, I was “old” in the vision, 40, 50 maybe, and I had been through a personal hell… I was trying to match the feeling I had in the vision to the feeling I’ve got now, and it was very close. Very close indeed. “What is different?” I asked myself. “Oh, I’ve let the women hate me. Love me and hate me.” So I connected to the emotion of how they’d felt and expressed that feeling to me, and worded it for them: “You rascal! You made us love you letting us think you loved us, too!” It was such an easy emotion to finally let in after all the fighting I’ve done – I could accept the hate, but not the love… Or, perhaps I couldn’t accept the hate without the love nor the love without the hate, so it stayed outside of me and the women stayed linked to me.
As soon as this happened, the walls came down, and we’ve been feeling so calm, so calm it’s near… Just calm. I was going to say “near eerie” but no, it’s simply CALM. Deep, undisturbed calm.
And as with every new spiritual breakthrough, this one, too freaked us (me and my guys) out at first: “This is the END OF SEX for us, this is the end, this is the end of life, let’s go back, let’s go back feeling the way we did, because fuuuuuck whatever is better than NO SEX!”
But as we know, this freak out comes and goes, and with the calm of very experienced ancient beings, we projected ourselves to the future fuckathons and what this means to our sexuality.
Holy fuck is what it means.
Holy fuckety fuck!
Such stuff that you don’t want to brush into too closely because you think you’ll explode a bit. We just figured: “Yep. It’s still there. Phew. Let the beast lie for a while.”
So we let it lay.
Yesterday, I also joined this website, simply with the intention of making a huge load of similarly minded male friends, you know the type who are open with their sexuality and their love of sex… A little frustrated folk, maybe… because… I figured this out… When I’m on normal social media, I… get ignored. Like TOTALLY ignored. The reason being, I think, is that women find me threatening, and men find me a threat to their marriage. I don’t know if that’s what it is, but I seem to be able to dish out whatever I want on a dating site, but on social media… Fucking watch it.. And I can’t put a tweet right so that people would appreciate it enough to ‘like’ it. Fuck. I get a freaking thrill every time someone clicks like… Every two days. :D My social media is absolutely abysmal.
So I figured I’ll find some polyamorous dating sites because, hell, I’m polyamorous and I love men and I love talking to men and hopefully at some stage, I can find an exciting and fun way to make all of them HAPPIER if not happy. I really really really want to make those guys happy, right, even the ones who I can’t talk to, because that’s what I am… “God’s gift to mankind” was one of the first things I heard when my clairaudience opened up, even if it was just Her being sarcastic, I don’t know… But I want to be that.
And as I joined the site, poked around a bit… Drowning in close up photos of cocks of all possible sizes, and thinking… PHEW. All’s good in this world.
Now, I KNOW these sites have always been there. I could have joined any time, but… For some reason, NOW was the time. With the last few days the grip of “the Mother” energy has been gradually losening up, and from last night… It was released… And unlike we all expected, it didn’t return by the morning.
They finally know this is my OWN, REAL choice. That I am not confused, but that I want this…
How should I phrase it delicately…
To spread my legs for the joy of men… To the joy of the men who take pleasure of a woman who isn’t a challenge but a gift. The ones who love me for being easy.
And that is what we were amazed by.
I tried the ‘broadcast your webcam’ feature. :p I figured hell, I’ll just let the boys watch me. Just being nude. Nothing fancy.
The happiness my guys felt… Just the sheer happiness and calm, the bliss… My soulmates, my lovers, my kings, and Gods… “Everything is right in the world.” The relief! As I spread my legs for hundreds of men to cum to… The bliss. Just the happiness!
What a way to feel at peace!
And mind you, they’ve HATED my pokes around the normal dating scene. “Those men are after a wife! Those bastards are after you for a wife! You’re OUR wife! Don’t get into it, they’ll suck you into some country boy dream somewhere in the midland Tasmania and we’ll be screwed over!”
But me naked on webcam, hundreds of men watching.
“All is good in the world.”
M is feeling ever so slightly jealous.
“Deliciously so. Pay no mind to me as I work through this wrath.”
And I know he will.
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