The Party - spirit connections
I just reached a realization that has probably been on the works for quite some time… I’ve got issues with women, as you know, and I’ve always tried to “play fair” with them. I just realized that I’ve been treating women as my inferior, or like people I had to protect somehow, to cater to or to feed them men. To allocate men to them, the ones I can’t have, right? I just realized that is bullshit. I was trying to tell them that before, but I only tried to tell them I’m not going to GIVE my men to them as if they were handbags I don’t use, but I didn’t tell them this: “I will take your men away from you if you hang too close… Each one I can get my hands on if I decide I like him.” This means that the girls who I will have around are women who can handle themselves in a friendly competition. Who are HAPPY around men, who love men, and who love to see a man smile and happy, and, who, also, will do ANYTHING to make a guy happy, INCLUDING let another woman have him if he chooses someone else.
I can’t have those women near me, who insist they get their share of the fucking loot. Who regard men as their servants, their possession and status symbols, and who will objectify them from their head to their toe.
I’m not jealous of men… And there is some kind of a balance to be found from that to the expression of jealousy because they still need to know I care, right? Like do I want the News or not? I certainly am going to take the Magician if I can. The other Magician, and I don’t care who gets hurt. That, of course, means that she’s going to be after… What should I call him? Well. Him. I don’t care. I’d like to see her try. Then, at least, I’ll know for sure what he wants. And so will she.
I had to let go of the guilt of wanting to have “all the men” to myself. The fuck does that matter? If I have to AVOID LOOKING at a friend’s boyfriend in the fear that he might fall in love with me in that moment – as I do – then he’d probably be better off with me. I do do that… I do avoid looking men in the eye if they are dating or married to my female friends. I do it automatically, without thinking. And too often, I accidentally catch their eye and BOOM. Fuck. But the guys who I want to make fall for me… Yeah. Not quite that unavoidable. :D Fuck my life.
There you go. The game’s on, chicks.
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